Wednesday, March 20, 2013
A Bit of Time
Sooooo, it's been awhile since I've posted. Life. It gets crazy sometimes. However, as a blogger, or someone trying to be a "blogger," I'm pretty sure you can't let life get in the way of posting.:)
Anywho - I even skipped posting on my BIG 20 YEAR milestone!!! Can you believe it? Probably, since I hadn't posted for a month anyway....I digress.
I think one of the reasons I hesitated to post is because it is such an odd thing to sort of celebrate. When I had my 10 year milestone of diagnosis, my sweet husband sent me a dozen roses to work (or was it 10 roses) - anyway, you get the idea. He congratulated me on taking care of myself b/c he wants me around a long time. VERY. Sweet. But, when co-workers would ask about it, it was odd to say - "Oh, the roses? I got those to celebrate 10 years with diabetes." Sort of a conversation killer.
So, I struggled with posting. Because, the truth of it is, with every passing year, I wonder what my eyeballs, kidneys, and toes look like. You know - those areas of our bodies with teeny tiny blood vessels that are getting scraped by the sugars that are too high and cling to our red blood cells. What do they look like after 20 years??
BUT, I do know that every Dr. visit, they say I'm doing well, and that if I keep up this style of care, God willing, I should live a long life. Soooo, then I want to celebrate. Because, I have, and I control, and I dominate this disease that is in my body. One day, it may take it's toll. But every day I get up and test and choose less carbs over more carbs at lunch, or I have an entire day when my sugars are right around 100, or I stay with an exercise plan and see the need for my Lantus decreasing - that is victory. That is conquering. And for every bit of time that I choose to conquer and not ignore this disease, that is worth celebrating.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Day by Day (In the Beginning)
As I stated in my first post, I'm coming up on my 20 year anniversary of my diagnosis with
Type I Diabetes. As I've been reflecting on my diagnosis and that time in my life, I've been reminded of the struggle of changing your entire life for a disease that happened to you.
I remember driving down Battlefield Rd. in Springfield, MO headed toward the highway and the hospital in Columbia with a head full of questions and a heart full of grief. Some of the thoughts that plagued my 14 year old mind were: 'Am I going to be able to have children? (Steel Magnolias was vivid in my thoughts),' 'What's going to happen to me when I graduate college - will I get a good job that will cover my insurance?,' 'What boy would want to date someone with diabetes and take on all of the extra risks, and hassles?'
It was a lot to think about. When I got home, I was on a two shot regiment, the old 70/30 mix. (If you're still on a 70/30 mix - CHANGE! - okay, just had to get that out there. I was dumbfounded when I saw they still produced that stuff!) Anyhow, every morning I would get out my insulin and sit on my bathroom floor and roll the vial around in my hands. I would take the syringe and draw up the dose. I would flick the bubbles out and prime the needle so it was ready to go. I would grab an inch or two of flesh on my thigh and squeeze it together. And then, I would sit there with the needle poised above my leg, afraid to take the shot.
It was a mental and physical struggle every morning and every night.
One afternoon, I was very moody. (My goodness, can you imagine a 14 year old girl is moody anyway, and then dump a chronic illness in her life. My poor parents....) Anyway, my mom gave me great advice that I still think about when I'm wrestling with something. She told me it was okay to be angry. It was okay to be mad at God, and that I needed to have it out with Him. She said, "He knows what you're thinking anyway, you might as well say it to Him. And then listen to see what He says." I thought it was ridiculous, but my mom insisted if I'd literally talk it out, it might make me feel better.
So, I remember trudging up the stairs to my room with tears in my eyes, sprawling on my bed and screaming in my pillow. I remember yelling in my pillow at God. I remember asking Him all my questions about dating, insurance, the pain, children, what my future would now be because of this dumb disease. And then I waited. I don't remember feeling anything at that time. Just peaceful. I just laid on my bed. Soon, it was time to take my shot for dinner.
I went to my bathroom, rolled the insulin, primed the needle and let it hover over my leg. And then I felt Him. I heard Him tell me in my heart that I could do this. That I only had to think about this one shot. I didn't need to worry about the shots tomorrow, or the disease 2 years from that point, I only had to do that shot at that moment. And I could do that. Take it day by day. That is what He showed me. And somehow, that made it seem so much more manageable.
I remember Dr. Goldstein, my first endocrinologist, telling me that it would take about a year for everything to start to feel normal again. I remember counting down the days. And, true enough, in about a years time, I felt more at ease, more like myself, and diabetes seemed like less of a big deal.
So, if you are at the beginning of your journey with diabetes, take heart. Only focus on today. Tell God your concerns and let Him speak to you. Here I am, 20 years later, with ZERO complications, a wonderful husband, a great son, and an active, joyful life. It is possible. Just hang in there.
Blessings,
Gretchen
Type I Diabetes. As I've been reflecting on my diagnosis and that time in my life, I've been reminded of the struggle of changing your entire life for a disease that happened to you.
I remember driving down Battlefield Rd. in Springfield, MO headed toward the highway and the hospital in Columbia with a head full of questions and a heart full of grief. Some of the thoughts that plagued my 14 year old mind were: 'Am I going to be able to have children? (Steel Magnolias was vivid in my thoughts),' 'What's going to happen to me when I graduate college - will I get a good job that will cover my insurance?,' 'What boy would want to date someone with diabetes and take on all of the extra risks, and hassles?'
It was a lot to think about. When I got home, I was on a two shot regiment, the old 70/30 mix. (If you're still on a 70/30 mix - CHANGE! - okay, just had to get that out there. I was dumbfounded when I saw they still produced that stuff!) Anyhow, every morning I would get out my insulin and sit on my bathroom floor and roll the vial around in my hands. I would take the syringe and draw up the dose. I would flick the bubbles out and prime the needle so it was ready to go. I would grab an inch or two of flesh on my thigh and squeeze it together. And then, I would sit there with the needle poised above my leg, afraid to take the shot.
It was a mental and physical struggle every morning and every night.
One afternoon, I was very moody. (My goodness, can you imagine a 14 year old girl is moody anyway, and then dump a chronic illness in her life. My poor parents....) Anyway, my mom gave me great advice that I still think about when I'm wrestling with something. She told me it was okay to be angry. It was okay to be mad at God, and that I needed to have it out with Him. She said, "He knows what you're thinking anyway, you might as well say it to Him. And then listen to see what He says." I thought it was ridiculous, but my mom insisted if I'd literally talk it out, it might make me feel better.
So, I remember trudging up the stairs to my room with tears in my eyes, sprawling on my bed and screaming in my pillow. I remember yelling in my pillow at God. I remember asking Him all my questions about dating, insurance, the pain, children, what my future would now be because of this dumb disease. And then I waited. I don't remember feeling anything at that time. Just peaceful. I just laid on my bed. Soon, it was time to take my shot for dinner.
I went to my bathroom, rolled the insulin, primed the needle and let it hover over my leg. And then I felt Him. I heard Him tell me in my heart that I could do this. That I only had to think about this one shot. I didn't need to worry about the shots tomorrow, or the disease 2 years from that point, I only had to do that shot at that moment. And I could do that. Take it day by day. That is what He showed me. And somehow, that made it seem so much more manageable.
I remember Dr. Goldstein, my first endocrinologist, telling me that it would take about a year for everything to start to feel normal again. I remember counting down the days. And, true enough, in about a years time, I felt more at ease, more like myself, and diabetes seemed like less of a big deal.
So, if you are at the beginning of your journey with diabetes, take heart. Only focus on today. Tell God your concerns and let Him speak to you. Here I am, 20 years later, with ZERO complications, a wonderful husband, a great son, and an active, joyful life. It is possible. Just hang in there.
Blessings,
Gretchen
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Low Moment
I sat down at my computer to do some work for my church.
I volunteer twice a month as a Preschool Worship Leader, so I was needing to go through
February's lessons and plan songs to correlate with the lessons, but was having a very hard time focusing. Then, I noticed that I was getting that jittery, sort of "nervous" feeling I get when I have a low blood sugar.
So, I decided instead of fighting it, I'd go check my blood sugar (BS). Yep. 48. That's pretty low.
I drank some juice, ate a bit of graham cracker dipped in peanut butter - my go to low snack when I'm home. Then I decided to post on here while I wait to rebound. Because if I don't make sense on here while I'm low, I have a sympathetic audience, right? In fact, it would be pretty interesting if I did a post where I was low, and didn't make any corrections. Hmmm...I mean, I've had to go back and retype several things now to make sense or correct spelling.
Maybe I will do that sometime. Write a post as I'm coming back from a low and see how it flows cognitively and grammatically from beginning to end. That might be very interesting....
I think I'll try to do that sometime soon if I'm near my computer and have the time to blog in that moment. So, stay tuned.
And, what is your go to low corrector? Do you use glucose tablets all the time? Do you take juice or milk? Do you eat a spoonful of sugar?? I'd love to hear.
I'm feeling better now, so off to do that initial task of reading lessons and choosing songs!
Gretchen
I volunteer twice a month as a Preschool Worship Leader, so I was needing to go through
February's lessons and plan songs to correlate with the lessons, but was having a very hard time focusing. Then, I noticed that I was getting that jittery, sort of "nervous" feeling I get when I have a low blood sugar.
So, I decided instead of fighting it, I'd go check my blood sugar (BS). Yep. 48. That's pretty low.
I drank some juice, ate a bit of graham cracker dipped in peanut butter - my go to low snack when I'm home. Then I decided to post on here while I wait to rebound. Because if I don't make sense on here while I'm low, I have a sympathetic audience, right? In fact, it would be pretty interesting if I did a post where I was low, and didn't make any corrections. Hmmm...I mean, I've had to go back and retype several things now to make sense or correct spelling.
Maybe I will do that sometime. Write a post as I'm coming back from a low and see how it flows cognitively and grammatically from beginning to end. That might be very interesting....
I think I'll try to do that sometime soon if I'm near my computer and have the time to blog in that moment. So, stay tuned.
And, what is your go to low corrector? Do you use glucose tablets all the time? Do you take juice or milk? Do you eat a spoonful of sugar?? I'd love to hear.
I'm feeling better now, so off to do that initial task of reading lessons and choosing songs!
Gretchen
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Just A Day with Diabetes and a Few Extra Kids
So, my family is a foster family. Meaning, we have our foster care license, so occasionally we'll have placements or provide respite for other foster families. This weekend, we provided respite for some friends of ours by having their three foster kids stay with us.
So, I don't know about you other diabetics out there, but I find that when my activity level is ramped up (as three extra kids in your home will do), my blood sugars drop down. So, one thing I now count on, is lowering my long acting insulin on days when I know I will be more active.
I take Lantus Insulin for my long acting insulin. And, I typically take it at night. So after a fun Friday night after the kiddos were dropped off and played, and finally tucked in bed, I chose to lower my dose by 2 units. This helped tremendously on Saturday as we were hustling around with our sons Pinewood Derby event and other activities.
What about you? Do you adjust your insulin when you know you're going to be more active than usual? If so, how do you do it? If you don't, do you tend to have more low blood sugars?
I'll talk more about my insulin regimen soon. I know everyone has their own way of doing things. And in case you're wondering...No, I don't wear a pump. And, I never intend on getting one.:)
I'll tell why another time.
Sweet dreams (ha! get it?!?) my diabetic friends,
Gretchen
So, I don't know about you other diabetics out there, but I find that when my activity level is ramped up (as three extra kids in your home will do), my blood sugars drop down. So, one thing I now count on, is lowering my long acting insulin on days when I know I will be more active.
I take Lantus Insulin for my long acting insulin. And, I typically take it at night. So after a fun Friday night after the kiddos were dropped off and played, and finally tucked in bed, I chose to lower my dose by 2 units. This helped tremendously on Saturday as we were hustling around with our sons Pinewood Derby event and other activities.
What about you? Do you adjust your insulin when you know you're going to be more active than usual? If so, how do you do it? If you don't, do you tend to have more low blood sugars?
I'll talk more about my insulin regimen soon. I know everyone has their own way of doing things. And in case you're wondering...No, I don't wear a pump. And, I never intend on getting one.:)
I'll tell why another time.
Sweet dreams (ha! get it?!?) my diabetic friends,
Gretchen
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Day of Diagnosis
I'm hoping over time to get this blog to look more the way I'd like it to look, so stay tuned for changes.
In the meantime, I said I'd mention my diagnosis story. I was 14 when I was diagnosed. I had symptoms for probably close to a year before I finally went and got tested. I had every symptom in the book; thirsty all the time, frequent urination, weight loss, extreme fatigue.
I remember going up a half flight of stairs at school and just wanting to sit down because I was SO tired! I remember sleeping in class. I NEVER used to sleep in class. Anyway, I finally went to the doctor. I think what's hard about it is the symptoms are like the frog in boiling water. If you raise the temperature slowly, he doesn't even realize how bad it's getting. That's how my symptoms were, but finally, my mom had heard enough excuses, and took us to the doctor. What's funny is, on the way there I ate a package of 6 chocolate donuts. That's another thing - I was hungry ALL the time, but I was losing weight like I wasn't eating a thing! It was really quite great - other than feeling like death warmed over and everything.
So, my pediatrician ran some tests and I was diagnosed on a Wednesday night while wearing my peach BUM sweatshirt, and my bleached Guess jeans. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting in the waiting room while we waited for the test results. I remember laughing nervously when the doctor told me that I had diabetes. I remember going to church and my youth minister telling me I should just go ahead and cuss because I'd feel better. I remember talking with a friend on the phone after church and looking at the bowl of candy in our kitchen and thinking - I'm never going to be able to eat that again...
I'll get into my trip to the hospital in my next post.
The thing about diabetes is it never goes away. Everyday, it is there. Some days, I hardly notice it. Then days like today when I'm more active than I anticipate, I fight lows all day long. Does that ever happen to you?? Just have a bad diabetes day - where your sugar are all over the place, and therefore, so are your moods? Well, that was today for me. So, I'll leave it at that for now.
Good night,
Gretchen
In the meantime, I said I'd mention my diagnosis story. I was 14 when I was diagnosed. I had symptoms for probably close to a year before I finally went and got tested. I had every symptom in the book; thirsty all the time, frequent urination, weight loss, extreme fatigue.
I remember going up a half flight of stairs at school and just wanting to sit down because I was SO tired! I remember sleeping in class. I NEVER used to sleep in class. Anyway, I finally went to the doctor. I think what's hard about it is the symptoms are like the frog in boiling water. If you raise the temperature slowly, he doesn't even realize how bad it's getting. That's how my symptoms were, but finally, my mom had heard enough excuses, and took us to the doctor. What's funny is, on the way there I ate a package of 6 chocolate donuts. That's another thing - I was hungry ALL the time, but I was losing weight like I wasn't eating a thing! It was really quite great - other than feeling like death warmed over and everything.
So, my pediatrician ran some tests and I was diagnosed on a Wednesday night while wearing my peach BUM sweatshirt, and my bleached Guess jeans. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting in the waiting room while we waited for the test results. I remember laughing nervously when the doctor told me that I had diabetes. I remember going to church and my youth minister telling me I should just go ahead and cuss because I'd feel better. I remember talking with a friend on the phone after church and looking at the bowl of candy in our kitchen and thinking - I'm never going to be able to eat that again...
I'll get into my trip to the hospital in my next post.
The thing about diabetes is it never goes away. Everyday, it is there. Some days, I hardly notice it. Then days like today when I'm more active than I anticipate, I fight lows all day long. Does that ever happen to you?? Just have a bad diabetes day - where your sugar are all over the place, and therefore, so are your moods? Well, that was today for me. So, I'll leave it at that for now.
Good night,
Gretchen
Monday, January 21, 2013
Diabetic Dare
I am coming up on a very important date to me. On March 3, 2013 I will have been diagnosed with Diabetes for 20 years!!! Now, when people first hear that it is met with a mixed response - Yea! Oh, wait, that's not good at all....
Well, yeah, it stinks to have diabetes sometimes, but I remember after first being diagnosed I felt like if I could JUST get through the first year, I'd be okay. And then the next year I thought, this year has to be easier than the last. And so on, and so on. Well here I am, 20 years later, and NO COMPLICATIONS!!! To me, that is worth celebrating. :)
If you are diabetic, or know someone that is, I hope this blog will be a help to you. I want to share some of my experience. What I've learned. Tips, products, advice, hard knocks, to hopefully encourage and inspire. I hope we can interact together and I can answer questions or perhaps have others share insights with me!!
Tomorrow I will get into what my diagnosis was like, and how I was fortunate enough to have one of the best endocrinologists (in my humble opinion) in the nation as my doctor upon diagnosis which I believe has been key to my long term success.
I want to dare to live my life and not let diabetes hinder me. I hope through this blog other diabetics will join me and do the same as we share our experiences together.
Ta - ta for now,
Gretchen
Well, yeah, it stinks to have diabetes sometimes, but I remember after first being diagnosed I felt like if I could JUST get through the first year, I'd be okay. And then the next year I thought, this year has to be easier than the last. And so on, and so on. Well here I am, 20 years later, and NO COMPLICATIONS!!! To me, that is worth celebrating. :)
If you are diabetic, or know someone that is, I hope this blog will be a help to you. I want to share some of my experience. What I've learned. Tips, products, advice, hard knocks, to hopefully encourage and inspire. I hope we can interact together and I can answer questions or perhaps have others share insights with me!!
Tomorrow I will get into what my diagnosis was like, and how I was fortunate enough to have one of the best endocrinologists (in my humble opinion) in the nation as my doctor upon diagnosis which I believe has been key to my long term success.
I want to dare to live my life and not let diabetes hinder me. I hope through this blog other diabetics will join me and do the same as we share our experiences together.
Ta - ta for now,
Gretchen
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